"... I’ve learned a lot about the gangs. I’ve learned to recognize the Cribs’ distinctive attire (if I see a pair of orange Crocs coming my way, I just cross the street). I’ve come to know the Beds’ brutal hazing rituals (which they refer to as “Bikram yoga”). I’ve learned each gang’s colorful parenting patois." -Peter Birkenhead in "Cribs vs. Beds..."
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| nap time at its finest |
Peter Birkenhead's article, "Cribs vs. Beds: Parenthood's all-out war" gives a hilarious overview of the 'where will baby sleep' and 'what does that say about my parenting' issue. There really is no correct answer to where your baby sleeps and I don't mean that in a whatever-is-right-for-you kind of way. I mean, that no matter how you answer the question regarding where your baby counts little baby sheep, you will be wrong. Although, I maintain that in this country we live in a crib-sleeping based society and therefore far less judgement is placed on those who put their baby in a crib than on those who decide to co-sleep. But to be fair, there is clearly judgement on both sides of the bed rails.
If you tell someone you co-sleep they automatically assume you to be the most reckless breed of tree-hugger. You are nutty granola made with unsalted raw nuts and no m&ms! Cribs (those who have crib-sleeping infants) aren't sure if you hate your child by wanting to turn them into a clingy nightmare or are just stupid and codependant. In general, I do find the Cribs lot to be of the self-soothing persuasion and many of them are still waiting for Ricky and I to let JR 'cry it out.' Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock. Keep waiting people. It is 'casually' and constantly brought up to us is like people truly fear for this INFANT who is tended to each time he cries. Then there are the Beds (co-sleepers) who find crib-sleeping to be barbaric in general; cribs are cold, empty, lonely and NOTHING like a womb. Crib-sleeping is seen as heartless as it is dangerous. This danger is perceived due to the high rate of SIDS in the U.S., which is comparatively dominated by cribs used for sleeping infants. Also, the crib is seen as a sign of a selfish parent and a future needy/unruly child that is filled with insecurity. So, you see, there is no right answer and both sides think you are ruining your child. With what you may know about me, you have probably already decided that I am a co-sleeper and you aren't wrong... entirely. I think, in our heads and hearts, both Ricky and I are Beds, but in reality we have been battling this issue from the minute JR stopped sleeping in the womb. The benefits of co-sleeping (when done correctly) are really what resonate with me: more peaceful sleeping/less infant startling, more stable physiology, decrease in SIDS risk, and long-term emotional health benefits. These are just a few of the benefits according to Dr. Sears-I will write a more detailed post about co-sleeping in the future because there is a huge benefit to breastfeeding mothers as well. The main preventing factors for us right now are our bed size and the great big 'WHAT IF...' You can fill in all sorts of fears that go along with having the baby in a bed and I don't think we are alone in our biggest fear probably relating to risks of suffocation (even though I am clearly aware of the baby while we are sleeping, its more of a half sleep). For now, I will explain where we stand and share the full-blown war-on-sleep that we are facing in our home...
As if hearing everyone constantly comment on how our little buddha baby is the size of a 6 month old, at almost 3 months, doesn't already send my worrying (and googling) into overdrive, he has now outgrown his sleeper. The first week he slept in a co-sleeper mini bed that sat on our bed, but it took up a huge portion of our queen sized bed and made for horrible sleeping for us. We wanted him in the bed with us but we were both just too timid. He was so small and I was constantly checking and re-checking on him that it was our nerves that kept us from just laying him next to us fearing we would never fall asleep, ever again. Then, he slept in a bassinet up against the bed for a couple weeks, which went well but he started having pretty bad acid reflux and this made for horrible sleeping for him and us. Finally, we settled on a snuggily rocker that rests him at an incline (to help reduce acid reflux) and that is what he has been sleeping in for the last couple months. Unfortunately, it has become apparent that the fit is now a little too tight. I double checked to see if he could go back to the bassinet but no luck- he has surpassed the weight limit. Yes he does weigh more than 15lbs at 12 weeks but he is exclusively breastfed so lets save that whole discussion for another time. The rocker he has been sleeping in since 3-4 weeks old is still usable by weight recommendations but so snug that it's become a source of discomfort for him by about 4am when he would really start trying to move around. We reluctantly took the next logical step: Ricky moved the crib out of the nursery and put it into our room. End of story, no big deal, case closed... right? Not a chance, not in this family.
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| Buddhababy's first evening on " the outside," resting in his co-sleeper |
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| Living large in his rocker |
During my pregnancy we didn't give much thought to co-sleeping and I think we planned to use a crib once he outgrew his bassinet because our bed is small and cramped between Ricky, myself and our dog, Bodhi. But since JR's birth, something inside us changed and the crib became a symbol of all that is wrong and unnatural in the world. I don't think either of us has since even considered that this dreaded piece of furniture would be used until it was converted into a toddler bed. But, lo and behold this frightening beast is now our room like a huge espresso colored elephant that taunts us day and night.
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| testing things out |
In a million years I would not have predicted that DADDY would lose his damn mind and turn into a mommy sized worry-wart! Well, maybe I could have guessed he would be nervous but the extent of it- no way. He is used to getting up in the night because our system works with him putting the baby in my arms to nurse and putting him back down to sleep. The difference is that the baby is usually in his rocker that sits just below level with our bed, the top of his head even with my head and he's within arm's reach. This normally allows me to be a worry-wart and sleep simultaneously; I am close enough to hear him breathe, touch him just to make sure and on occasion (like nightly) I will keep my hand on the rocker. What I now realize is that by me satisfying my constant worry, Ricky didn't need to worry about worrying and could relax knowing that I was all over it. The crib has disturbed this delicate balance and has daddy up when he hears the baby, crawling over me when he doesn't hear him, and getting back up when he thinks he may have heard him but isn't sure. Amazingly for me, I was able to lay there because Ricky kept getting up and relieving my need to. That was just night one.
The crib lasted one entirely sleep-deprived, nerve-wracked, fight-over-who-had-less-sleep week and what a week! JR had horrible gassy stomach issues the whole time, which caused him to make awful noises while he slept. He was colicky as hell and so were we. Every night was some new challenge that prevented adequate sleep, but Saturday night was the last straw....the movement monitor went off and for anyone who doesn't know, this is to signal you when your baby stops breathing. Holy hell! We were out of bed in a flash and diving toward the crib. In retrospect, this was probably quite a funny sight with us leaping out of bed, me throwing the monitor off the nightstand to stop the noise, the lamp going with it as a casualty of war, Ricky flying across the bed, arms flailing everywhere, Bodhi jumping to escape being trampled and just complete chaos. All the while, our little angel was fine and barely even roused by the commotion. He had scooted his swaddled little ass down off of the monitor pad thus causing the alarm to go off. In that split second, parenting reality was solidified into my being and now stares me in the face- I am no longer the childless person I have been for all these years and this new person, this parent, is a cuckoo bird! Needless to say, I waited until I regained my composure- we were huffing and puffing all dramatically- and then got JR out of the crib and placed him on my chest to sleep for the rest of the night. (This form of sleeping, sitting up and being encircled by Boppy pillows works, but be warned, its not made for comfort.) As we settled back into bed, Ricky simply stated, "We are getting that Arms Reach co-sleeper tomorrow," and that's exactly what we did. Not that it has been much easier....
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| putting together the co-sleeper |
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| First night in the co-sleeper as a bassinet didn't go well and it turned into the last night he wore a swaddle."Miracle Blanket" is no more |
Our bed has a ledge on it which makes it impossible to set the co-sleeper up as anything but a bassinet. This is fine because I just push it up against the bed but the sides are pretty high and I have to drape my arm over them. It is a large bed which is great except that JR had taken to hurdling himself around in it. The first night of the co-sleeper was the last night of the swaddle. When Ricky got up to see what all the noise was about, JR had hulked out of his swaddle and has since refused to be put back in it. As inconvenient as it is to lose the swaddle, that moment was worth it as we both broke out in hysterics at our beautiful little boy half in and half out of his 'Miracle Blanket' smiling up at us oblivious of the turmoil we were facing.
For now, the crib has been put back in its proper place in the nursery where it serves as a very pretty piece of furniture adept at cutely holding stuffed animals and hiding stuff not in use. We are adjusting to putting JR to sleep (or rather trying to keep him asleep) without a swaddle in the hopes that it is safer than him hurdling his swaddled self all over the co-sleeper. As our personal war between our bed and crib continues I think I will read James McKenna's book on co-sleeping and I must have faith that we will find our own familial sleeping balance.
Here is a link to the article I quoted at the beginning of this post, It's a great article written by a daddy and perfect for a laugh: http://www.salon.com/2010/07/02/cribs_v_beds_parenting_wars/ )
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| Getting a little big for his rocker |
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| his favorite sleeping spot |
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| banished back to the nursery |
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