Choices.
Why does being a parent come with making so many choices?
Although, at the end of the day I guess that is what being a parent is all about. You make the best decisions you can for your child based on the information you have, and hope that you don't royally mess him or her up in the process.
Being pregnant kind of prepares you for this by deciding whether or not you are going to change the pack-a-day/bottle-a-day/cheeseburger-a-day type habits in for a healthy and smoke free womb for your baby. But even still, pregnancy and birthing choices are still about mom AND baby. I think our first real "baby only" decision we had to face was whether or not to keep our baby boy's genitals intact. When I first realized I was going to have to make that decision it was like the roof fell on my head. I am not sure if that is the best analogy but that is how it felt; it was heavy and stressful and HUGE. I know that to some people this decision is simple and is never really even a blip on their screen, but to me and my husband this was a decision that would affect our son for the rest of his life. But, before I get too far off track (this is not a post about circumcision) let me bring it back in, because this is about a choice that certainly isn't as intense as the future genital integrity of our son.
Last week when we went to get our breast pump, the lactation consultant caught a glimpse of Buddhababy's tongue as he was fussing to nurse and she asked me if anyone had talked to me about it. I thought maybe she was going to say thrush because my nips have been a bit sore but she said no, she thinks he could be tongue tied. WTF! How could she even suggest such a thing!?! Wait...what does that even mean?? Yes, that is a little dramatic of a response but that is the immediate stream of thoughts I had at the mere suggestion that there was anything even slightly limiting about this perfect little boy. Not to mention that parenthood has turned me into the most embarrassing type of worry-wart. She asked me about his latch and I told her that he does pull off quite a bit and I do struggle getting a 'proper latch.' But, I know that latching correctly for a first-time mom has a learning period and let me tell you that our little monkey is a chunk, has no problems eating, and I have no issues with supply. He has gained almost a pound a week since birth and he is exclusively breastfed. The lactation consultant explained that tongue tie can cause problems not only breastfeeding but later in life with speech impediments, problems eating and eventually kissing. She gave me the numbers of a couple specialists that would better evaluate his tongue and then, if they said he was in fact tongue tied, they would snip the frenulum. I will refrain from sharing the flow of outrageous thoughts at this casual mention that someone should be snipping something on my son's body. She told me that it is a simple and virtually painless procedure that would instantly improve his latch and give him more tongue mobility. This is all fine and well but I am not just going to let some doctor tell me they need to be snipping anything without a little more research and some trusted opinions (i.e. our midwives).
Here is what I found out:
Ankyloglossia, or 'anchored tongue,' is most commonly referred to as tongue tie and is a common condition that can often be overlooked because so many babies are formula fed. This oversight is because it takes a very different motion of the mouth to feed from a bottle than it does to suckle a real nipple. A bottle will flow pretty much on its own while a nipple needs manipulation and mouth/tongue control. Also, the bottle doesn't get sore from an improper latch and complain.
Specifically, tongue tie is when the lingual frenulum, the cord that runs from the tongue to the bottom of the mouth, is short and restricts tongue mobility. This short frenulum is not always a significant problem and can often resolve itself (depending on who you ask) in a couple years. When it is a problem, it can interfere with breastfeeding, speech, eating and digestion. It can vary in looks and degree from person to person. Classically one looks to see if the tongue makes a 'heart-shape' when the mouth is open- this is often when baby is crying and tongue flexes. What also varies from person to person is the degree of restriction. Some tongue tied babies have trouble latching all together and create a nearly impossible nursing relationship between mother and child (this is not our case). Some people grow to have severe speech problems and some you would never even know. This is where the choice part happens.... is it worth it to go through any procedure if it is not really necessary?
After reading all the information we could find on tongue tie, we were still unsure. Ricky and I decided that we did not think the baby was tongue tied because he doesn't really look like the babies in the pictured examples, but we are also biased and unfamiliar with this condition. So we called Colleen, our midwife, and asked if she would take a look at it and tell us what she thinks. Colleen gladly agreed to help and off to the birth house Buddhababy and I went.
That day I learned not only that Buddhababy does appear to be tongue tied but that our other midwife, Allie, is also tongue tied (with no lisp or articulation issues at all). They both confirmed that the snip was easy and aside from the annoyance of being held down, painless. Also, when compounded with his constant feeding, the pain in my breast from a blocked milk duct and his colic they think it would be very beneficial to have it fixed. At this point I was now ready to ask the pediatrician what she thought. The timing was perfect because today was his 2 month exam. She verified what the lactation consultant and midwives told me and believes that he does have limited mobility and even though he feeds well, it would benefit him to see the ENT (ears, nose, throat) doc and possibly get it snipped. Amusingly, I will mention that the whole time the pediatrician was talking about this I thought she was saying E-M-T and was to embarrassed to ask why on earth an EMT would be better equipped to look at Buddha baby's tongue.
That is where we are today. I saw the pediatrician this morning and I have made an appointment for Monday to see the surgeon. After talking it over with Ricky, we made our choice and I think its the right one. I read that most babies as young as Buddha baby do not need any anesthesia and it is a very simple, minute process. The pediatrician said she isn't sure about that and they may require anesthesia and that will be a big factor in our ultimate decision. It is one thing for a simple snip but a whole other issue if we start talking about knocking out our newbie. I am nervous but will be happy to have it resolved. From what I have gathered, there are no downsides to having it snipped (believe me I searched and asked ad nauseum). I have gone back and forth over whether it is necessary and the pain I feel during nursing right now is probably a heavy factor. I am committed to nursing and have no intention of letting anything get in the way of that-it is too important. So we will see how it goes....
If you think you may have an infant or child who is tongue tied, there is a lot of good information at http://www.tonguetie.net/. Just remember that wach child is defferent and when my husband and I looked, we concluded that our son was not just because we were so used to see his tongue the way it is. Make sure you have your care provider examine your child to be sure but if you are having latching difficulties this could quite possibly be the culprit.
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