Your baby sleeps where?!?

"... I’ve learned a lot about the gangs. I’ve learned to recognize the Cribs’ distinctive attire (if I see a pair of orange Crocs coming my way, I just cross the street). I’ve come to know the Beds’ brutal hazing rituals (which they refer to as “Bikram yoga”). I’ve learned each gang’s colorful parenting patois." -Peter Birkenhead in "Cribs vs. Beds..."

nap time at its finest

Peter Birkenhead's article, "Cribs vs. Beds: Parenthood's all-out war" gives a hilarious overview of the 'where will baby sleep' and 'what does that say about my parenting' issue. There really is no correct answer to where your baby sleeps and I don't mean that in a whatever-is-right-for-you kind of way. I mean, that no matter how you answer the question regarding where your baby counts little baby sheep, you will be wrong. Although, I maintain that in this country we live in a crib-sleeping based society and therefore far less judgement is placed on those who put their baby in a crib than on those who decide to co-sleep. But to be fair, there is clearly judgement on both sides of the bed rails.
If you tell someone you co-sleep they automatically assume you to be the most reckless breed of tree-hugger. You are nutty granola made with unsalted raw nuts and no m&ms! Cribs (those who have crib-sleeping infants) aren't sure if you hate your child by wanting to turn them into a clingy nightmare or are just stupid and codependant. In general, I do find the Cribs lot to be of the self-soothing persuasion and many of them are still waiting for Ricky and I to let JR 'cry it out.' Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock. Keep waiting people. It is 'casually' and constantly brought up to us is like people truly fear for this INFANT who is tended to each time he cries. Then there are the Beds (co-sleepers) who find crib-sleeping to be barbaric in general; cribs are cold, empty, lonely and NOTHING like a womb. Crib-sleeping is seen as heartless as it is dangerous. This danger is perceived due to the high rate of SIDS in the U.S., which is comparatively dominated by cribs used for sleeping infants. Also, the crib is seen as a sign of a selfish parent and a future needy/unruly child that is filled with insecurity. So, you see, there is no right answer and both sides think you are ruining your child. With what you may know about me, you have probably already decided that I am a co-sleeper and you aren't wrong... entirely. I think, in our heads and hearts, both Ricky and I are Beds, but in reality we have been battling this issue from the minute JR stopped sleeping in the womb. The benefits of co-sleeping (when done correctly) are really what resonate with me: more peaceful sleeping/less infant startling, more stable physiology, decrease in SIDS risk, and long-term emotional health benefits. These are just a few of the benefits according to Dr. Sears-I will write a more detailed post about co-sleeping in the future because there is a huge benefit to breastfeeding mothers as well. The main preventing factors for us right now are our bed size and the great big 'WHAT IF...' You can fill in all sorts of fears that go along with having the baby in a bed and I don't think we are alone in our biggest fear probably relating to risks of suffocation (even though I am clearly aware of the baby while we are sleeping, its more of a half sleep). For now, I will explain where we stand and share the full-blown war-on-sleep that we are facing in our home...

As if hearing everyone constantly comment on how our little buddha baby is the size of a 6 month old, at almost 3 months, doesn't already send my worrying (and googling) into overdrive, he has now outgrown his sleeper. The first week he slept in a co-sleeper mini bed that sat on our bed, but it took up a huge portion of our queen sized bed and made for horrible sleeping for us. We wanted him in the bed with us but we were both just too timid. He was so small and I was constantly checking and re-checking on him that it was our nerves that kept us from just laying him next to us fearing we would never fall asleep, ever again. Then, he slept in a bassinet up against the bed for a couple weeks, which went well but he started having pretty bad acid reflux and this made for horrible sleeping for him and us. Finally, we settled on a snuggily rocker that rests him at an incline (to help reduce acid reflux) and that is what he has been sleeping in for the last couple months. Unfortunately, it has become apparent that the fit is now a little too tight. I double checked to see if he could go back to the bassinet but no luck- he has surpassed the weight limit. Yes he does weigh more than 15lbs at 12 weeks but he is exclusively breastfed so lets save that whole discussion for another time. The rocker he has been sleeping in since 3-4 weeks old is still usable by weight recommendations but so snug that it's become a source of discomfort for him by about 4am when he would really start trying to move around. We reluctantly took the next logical step: Ricky moved the crib out of the nursery and put it into our room. End of story, no big deal, case closed... right? Not a chance, not in this family.

Buddhababy's first evening on " the outside," resting in his co-sleeper

Living large in his rocker

During my pregnancy we didn't give much thought to co-sleeping and I think we planned to use a crib once he outgrew his bassinet because our bed is small and cramped between Ricky, myself and our dog, Bodhi. But since JR's birth, something inside us changed and the crib became a symbol of all that is wrong and unnatural in the world. I don't think either of us has since even considered that this dreaded piece of furniture would be used until it was converted into a toddler bed. But, lo and behold this frightening beast is now our room like a huge espresso colored elephant that taunts us day and night.

As Ricky reassembled the crib in our room, I paced around with JR safely in his K'Tan acting as though I was straightening up for some new 'guest' in our sleeping domain. Once finished, him and JR relaxed while I went in to set up the crib essentials. I tested the motion monitor (which I still don't actually trust to monitor his breathing), put on the sheet and decided/obsessed about whether to use the bumpers. It just so happens that JPMA released a statement saying they are pro-bumper when used properly and this created an internal war of should I or shouldn't I in my head. Anyhow, I am still being teased for the sight Ricky witnessed when he came to check on me. Apparently, I was quite flustered moving the bumper all around the crib, checking and rechecking the mattress, and quoted mumbling something to the effect of, "so help me, if this thing harms our son..." But I finally got everything arranged and when it was time for bed, we followed our normal routine: JR was swaddled, nursed and rocked to sleep. Ricky placed him in bed (now the crib) and that was that...right?... ha ha ha

testing things out

In a million years I would not have predicted that DADDY would lose his damn mind and turn into a mommy sized worry-wart! Well, maybe I could have guessed he would be nervous but the extent of it- no way. He is used to getting up in the night because our system works with him putting the baby in my arms to nurse and putting him back down to sleep. The difference is that the baby is usually in his rocker that sits just below level with our bed, the top of his head even with my head and he's within arm's reach. This normally allows me to be a worry-wart and sleep simultaneously; I am close enough to hear him breathe, touch him just to make sure and on occasion (like nightly) I will keep my hand on the rocker. What I now realize is that by me satisfying my constant worry, Ricky didn't need to worry about worrying and could relax knowing that I was all over it. The crib has disturbed this delicate balance and has daddy up when he hears the baby, crawling over me when he doesn't hear him, and getting back up when he thinks he may have heard him but isn't sure. Amazingly for me, I was able to lay there because Ricky kept getting up and relieving my need to. That was just night one.

The crib lasted one entirely sleep-deprived, nerve-wracked, fight-over-who-had-less-sleep week and what a week! JR had horrible gassy stomach issues the whole time, which caused him to make awful noises while he slept. He was colicky as hell and so were we. Every night was some new challenge that prevented adequate sleep, but Saturday night was the last straw....the movement monitor went off and for anyone who doesn't know, this is to signal you when your baby stops breathing. Holy hell! We were out of bed in a flash and diving toward the crib. In retrospect, this was probably quite a funny sight with us leaping out of bed, me throwing the monitor off the nightstand to stop the noise, the lamp going with it as a casualty of war, Ricky flying across the bed, arms flailing everywhere, Bodhi jumping to escape being trampled and just complete chaos. All the while, our little angel was fine and barely even roused by the commotion. He had scooted his swaddled little ass down off of the monitor pad thus causing the alarm to go off. In that split second, parenting reality was solidified into my being and now stares me in the face- I am no longer the childless person I have been for all these years and this new person, this parent, is a cuckoo bird! Needless to say, I waited until I regained my composure- we were huffing and puffing all dramatically- and then got JR out of the crib and placed him on my chest to sleep for the rest of the night. (This form of sleeping, sitting up and being encircled by Boppy pillows works, but be warned, its not made for comfort.) As we settled back into bed, Ricky simply stated, "We are getting that Arms Reach co-sleeper tomorrow," and that's exactly what we did. Not that it has been much easier....

 putting together the co-sleeper

First night in the co-sleeper as a bassinet didn't go well and it turned into the last night he wore a swaddle."Miracle Blanket" is no more

Our bed has a ledge on it which makes it impossible to set the co-sleeper up as anything but a bassinet. This is fine because I just push it up against the bed but the sides are pretty high and I have to drape my arm over them. It is a large bed which is great except that JR had taken to hurdling himself around in it. The first night of the co-sleeper was the last night of the swaddle. When Ricky got up to see what all the noise was about, JR had hulked out of his swaddle and has since refused to be put back in it. As inconvenient as it is to lose the swaddle, that moment was worth it as we both broke out in hysterics at our beautiful little boy half in and half out of his 'Miracle Blanket' smiling up at us oblivious of the turmoil we were facing.

For now, the crib has been put back in its proper place in the nursery where it serves as a very pretty piece of furniture adept at cutely holding stuffed animals and hiding stuff not in use. We are adjusting to putting JR to sleep (or rather trying to keep him asleep) without a swaddle in the hopes that it is safer than him hurdling his swaddled self all over the co-sleeper. As our personal war between our bed and crib continues I think I will read James McKenna's book on co-sleeping and I must have faith that we will find our own familial sleeping balance.

Here is a link to the article I quoted at the beginning of this post, It's a great article written by a daddy and perfect for a laugh: http://www.salon.com/2010/07/02/cribs_v_beds_parenting_wars/ )

Getting a little big for his rocker

his favorite sleeping spot

banished back to the nursery

A Pain in the Boob

I am repeatedly saddened at how many people I speak with who tell me they tried breastfeeding but it just didn't work out for them. I understand it, but I hate to hear it. Before I gave birth, I was told that the most important factors in succeeding with nursing are having support and self determination and I agree. While breastfeeding is the most natural and healthy thing you can do for yourself and your baby, it does not exactly come naturally and there are hurdles that can be very challenging with or without loving support. There have been moments where, were I not so determined, I could have felt like I just wasn't good at breastfeeding. This past week is a great example because having a blocked milk duct has definitely been a test in dedication.

I am very lucky to have a husband, mother, friends, midwives and a doula who support me in nursing. Even with this foundation, I have also seen two lactation consultants for help. I believe you can NEVER have too much of the right kind of support. I feel for people who have no one to support their decision to nurse and it infuriates me that someone could be made to feel weird or guilty for wanting to do what is best for their infant. Let me just say that the previous statement is not simply my opinion: breastfeeding, when physically possible, IS what is best for an infant-FACT. I can see how negativity and guilt can greatly effect a new mom as I have also had some unsolicited "help" which was not helpful at all, in fact it was discouraging. So, I believe it is important to follow your gut and have people you trust to ask questions to. I have not yet been to a La Leche League meeting but I plan to because I hear they are a great support system for nursing mothers.

What my newest breastfeeding 'adventure' has taught me:

A blocked/plugged milk duct is when there is an obstruction blocking your milk from flowing. It can either be superficial (on the nipple) or down in the duct. I don't care where it is, it is not pleasant. The symptoms usually include a hardened lump in the breast that may be hot or swollen and feel bruised.  Personally, it felt like there had been an all-out mystery assault on my left breast and I was suffering the consequences. They say it comes on gradually but I did not notice it until it was really there. I am mentioning this just in case someone reading this could be nervous that the symptoms they are reading about on whatever website they googled don't exactly match their own-everyone is different. My biggest worry when my breast began to really hurt was 1) that it was mastitis and 2) it would never go away. Neither of these fears came to pass but they haunted me nonetheless. I learned from our midwife that mastitis is HORRIBLE and you know if you have that because you feel incredibly sick; like death. I never felt sick just like I had a lot of pain in my breast. I am not exactly sure what caused my blocked duct because there is a laundry list of reasons it can happen. I did have a blocked pore which looked like a small white spot on my nipple and it hurt -especially after I tried to open it by poking it with an acupuncture needle (I don't recommend this, regardless of TCM training it just isn't fun). There is a good chance I got this bleb from an improper latch. As I have discussed, buddha baby is mildly tongue-tied and we don't have the best latch. The majority of pain was within the breast and it hurt whenever I put ANY pressure on it including holding buddha baby on that side or trying to sleep on my stomach (which can also cause a plug).

Resolving the problem:

OK, so I had a block, if you currently have one I am sure all you care about is how to get rid of it. I was very diligent in performing all the tasks to rid myself of this wretched thing. Plus, I was motivated by knowing that a blocked duct left untreated can turn into mastitis and that is a game I have no interest in playing. I was told by our midwife to put a Castor oil pack on it with as hot of heat as I could stand- I did this...a lot. That part actually felt good as well as taking hot showers. I massaged my breast, which hurt like hell but I did it before I nursed, after I nursed and in the shower. Speaking of nursing, I nursed and nursed and nursed. I nursed on the painful breast almost every time he was hungry even if it was only a little and this pain made massage feel like a cake-walk. I didn't neglect my other boob but I really wanted this blockage out. I also fed in many different positions, including one where I leaned over him as he lay on the bed. It was a little awkward but I read that the gravity really helps bring out the plug. Something, or everything, worked and I am no longer in pain. I did not see the plug come out but I knew it was gone when I started filling with milk and didn't want to cry when there was a little pressure on my chest. I was expecting to feel it come out and have some big release or ahhh moment. I suppose I didn't feel it plug and thus I did not feel it release.

I just want to take a moment and say that if you are pregnant and planning to breastfeed, please don't be scared by these things. The point here isn't that nursing is hard or unbearable, the point is that at times it takes perseverance. There are challenges that you will face and sometimes you will need support. People will tell you the downsides of breastfeeding even though the upside is the most precious gift you can give to your baby- personalized liquid gold made just for his or her perfect little body. Yes, you are the only one who can feed the baby, unless you pump and bottle-feed which I have not yet been able to bring myself to do. Also, you tend to wake up more often than with formula baby and sometimes your body goes through things like blocked milk ducts or cracked nipples. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!! There is no such thing as formula that is even close to breastmilk-- not even close-- and that is what your baby is designed to live on. Breastmilk is a perfect food. It is a baby's instinct to BF and that bond you create is beyond words....